 |
| Oreo has developed an elaborate plan to kill his owners in their sleep. |
Justin meets Jessica and her bull dog Valentina...
JESSICA DE LA ESPRIELLA - This is Valentina. She's a dog, but thinks she's Khloe Kardashian.
JUSTIN SILVER - Not Kim Kardashian?
JESSICA DE LA ESPRIELLA - It's the jowls.
JUSTIN SILVER - Well, let's take her to the South Street Seaport. Nothing slaps the sophistication out of you like being around Midwestern tourists all day.
**Justin takes Jessica to Fetch at the South Street Seaport**
JESSICA DE LA ESPRIELLA - Thanks for nothing. Now she thinks she's Patricia Heaton.
JUSTIN SILVER - Isn't that a slight improvement over Khloe Kardashian?
JESSICA DE LA ESPRIELLA - No. No, it's not.
Justin meets Dominique and Adam Carmoega, and their terrier mix Oreo in the Financial District...
DOMINIQUE CARMOEGA - This is Oreo.
JUSTIN SILVER - Named after Bryant Gumbel?
DOMINIQUE CARMOEGA - Huh?
JUSTIN SILVER - Racist joke from the nineties. Nevermind. Aw, are these your sons?
ADAM CARMOEGA - Yep. They're four and two. They love their dog.
SON #1 - We hate that fucker.
SON #2 - He's a piece of asshole shit.
JUSTIN SILVER - Wow. Didn't know boys your age knew those words.
SON #1 - Fuck you.
JUSTIN SILVER - Um, let me take Oreo for a walk. I'll bring him right back. **leaves**
ADAM CARMOEGA - **deadbolts door behind Justin** Problem solved.
DOMINIQUE CARMOEGA - Nobody answer the phone or the door for two weeks.
ADAM CARMOEGA - If anybody asks, Oreo moved to a farm with a nice new family. He's Justin's problem now.
Justin meets K-9 Police Officer Kevin Halsey and his dog Riley...
KEVIN HALSEY - This is Riley. He's retiring from the force.
JUSTIN SILVER - When my uncle retired from the force, he spent all day on 'ludes watching court shows on TV.
KEVIN HALSEY - That's, uh, great. We brought you here because we want him to turn into a "home dog."
JUSTIN SILVER - That shouldn't be too hard. Just start keeping him in your house.
KEVIN HALSEY - Any other amazing tips?
JUSTIN SILVER - Don't let him spend too much time watching The View. Gives certain breeds seizures.
KEVIN HALSEY - You've been a tremendous help.
JUSTIN SILVER - What can I say? It's a gift.
